Journal excerpt, 1991:
I got into Clarion. It’s a highly intensive writing workshop for writers of sf and fantasy.Â
Has me scared shitless.
Five Reasons I Was Scared Shitless (An Incomplete List)
1. Even though it was only an hour away from where I lived, it would be the longest I’d been away from home. I didn’t know how my absence would affect my relationships.
2. I didn’t know any of the other students. What if they didn’t like me?
3. I didn’t know what the instructors would expect. What if they didn’t like me?
4. I desperately, desperately wanted to be a writer. What if they didn’t think I could be a writer? What would happen to my identity?
5. And speaking of my identity: I’d only recently begun to understand that I was queer. How would others react if I came out? Should I come out? How would I feel if I didn’t? How would I feel if I did?
…I wanted to remind myself what it was like to be just about to be a student at an intensive writing workshop, because now I’m just about to be an instructor at one: the Genre workshop at the Lambda Literary Retreat for Emerging LGBTQ Voices.
Here are a few excerpts from the notes I took in 1991. (Yes, I still have the notebook.)
From a Tim Powers talk:
writing is WORK and CONSTRUCTION don’t confuse MOTION and MOVEMENT with action
What another student wanted to see in one of my stories:
more mayhem!! ever-increasing mayhem!!
From an Ellen Kushner talk:
SENSUALITY: I CAN USE THIS — especially pain, strong emotion, petty emotion…
Note to myself with an idea for a story I did not end up writing for reasons that may rapidly become apparent:
story, what happens to your brain when you’re fatigued
A reality check from Karen Joy Fowler:
Karen says: no agent til novel LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT REASSURANCE
And another one from Kate Wilhelm and Damon Knight. I think I can call myself a case in point:
SURVIVAL OF THE PERSISTENT