I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the value of revealing ignorance in conversation. My default, self-protective stance is to nod, smile, resolve to look it up later. But that cuts me off from the chance to find out more about a subject directly from the person who brought it up. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s better to appear dumb and learn something than to pretend I get it and miss the connection, the reason the person mentioned the subject in the first place.
But it’s not easy.
Dylan Meconis
May 20, 2008 at 12:11 pmI’m slowly learning that one, too. It’s hard when you’re the sort whose “value proposition” in the past has been “I’m the Smart One” – it makes you feel vulnerable.
I also have often felt (although less so these days) that I get people to interact more smoothly with me by being able to shape-shift into something more closely resembling them – whether that involves speaking in a slightly different way, or echoing a mood, or pretending to have a relevant opinion on some topic.
And while being able to shift gears to accommodate a variety of people IS a useful and good life skill when it comes to getting in the door, you ultimately form much stronger and longer-lasting bonds with people when they feel like they have something they can give to you that will be received with gratitude.
Mim
May 22, 2008 at 8:26 pmMy brother once said he finds that the mark of a truly intelligent person, to not be afraid to say “What does that word mean?” or “Who was that historical figure you just mentioned?” because they re smart enough to be secure in their intelligence and not feel they have anything to prove by not asking a “dumb” question. For some reason, that always stuck with me. And I think even the smartest most book-learned amongst us have the occasional weird black hole in our knowledge.